Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

Lawyer Mama wrote a compelling post yesterday about why we tend to write about all the bad mommy stuff on our blogs. At first, I thought to myself, I don't do that. Then I looked back. And I totally do.

But why do I do it? Because I need all of your help. Remember when Ashley was coming out of her room at bedtime? I received so many emails and comments with awesome ideas that totally worked. I incorporated a few of the ideas and ever since then (knock on wood) she has stayed in her room. Without writing about it and getting feedback, I would still be pulling my hair out over this.

I am still a rookie, and having this network of friends out there that can help me out when I need it works for me.

Yes, I have my good "mommy" days. I have days were I am patient all day long, where Ashley doesn't whine most of the time, where Audrey doesn't try to bite us. But more often then not, I get impatient or I yell at Ashley for pushing her sister and then regret and guilt step in.

As we know from all the media stories as of late, we as moms in this day and age are doing more for our kids and more with our kids than mothers in the past. What comes with that is a little bit of good, a little bit of bad and a little bit of ugly. Good? Ray and Ashley having "date night" Saturday and having a great time the whole time without any whining or crying. Bad? Audrey trying to bite us and then looking at us and saying "no bite". Ugly? Ashley constantly trying to manipulate her sister, hold her hand, pick her up, whatever even though Audrey completely hates it. And crying and yelling pursue.

I think a lot about what my kids will remember about me and their childhood when they grow up. I hope they look back and think, I had a great Mom. She was fun, she danced, she played and she was just plain fun. What do you want your kids to remember about you and their childhood?

18 comments:

ktjrdn said...

I have that thought all the time. I just hope Ally doesn't remember us constantly argueing with her over supper. Last weekend, we set out to have a weekend filled with situations where we didn't expect any certain behavior out of her and she could run around how she liked. It was an opportunity for all of us to just reset ourselves and get out of the power struggle that keeps pulling us back in. We went to the zoo. We went to the park. We ran around outside for hours on end. it worked wonderfully.

I want my kids to remember mostly the same things you do. It's just hard sometimes to sit back and let the good times come.

Happy Working Mom said...

Good post! I want my kids to remember the good times, but I know from experience that it's so easy to remember the bad. However, when my sisters and I get together and laugh about things my parents did, my gets very hurt. I have learned that it's how memories work...when my kids do this, I need to remember that they're not only remembering the bad times...they are remembering times we had and laughing about the not so great ones.

I know my kids will remember me getting frustrated...I don't think there's any way around that. But I also think they'll remember trips to the park, the zoo, down to Grandma's, etc. And your girls will too!

That Chick Over There said...

I want my children to remember that I always treated them equally and listened to what they had to say.

I also want them to remember I was REALLY interested in what they had to say.

EC said...

I think it is great that you can write about all of that, since obviously it is such an important part of your life. I for one enjoy hearing all of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly!

Kellie said...

Great post :)

I rely on advice from all of you when I have Mommy questions, too. It's nice to know that what I feel IS normal and that I'm not the only one feeling the way I sometimes do.

I want Morgan to remember how much I love her and how thankful I am for; I want her to remember the times we played outside and the things we did (circus, zoo, beach, etc.). I also want her to remember some of the bad things...I do from growing up and I think it really helped me as I got older...to remember what NOT to do and to think before doing something "wrong".

Your girls are going to grow up and know that they have the best mother there is; they will know you gave them a great childhood and a wonderful start to becoming awesome adults...like yourself and Ray!!

Emma in Canada said...

I am pretty sure my kids- especially the 2 oldest- will remember more bad then good. Me constantly yelling, the lack of money and therefore the inability to do a lot of things they would like. I hope that they will always remember that I loved them and that even though I was far from perfect I did my best.

my4kids said...

I hope my kids remember that we tried to make sure they were happy. Remember our long drives just to have family time and remember us playing with them.

Christine said...

Great post.
I want my children to remember that I am always there for them. Through the good times, and all the bad times, they can come to me whenever they need to talk about what's going on, and how they are feeling. That they are loved, and all the trips I've taken them on, all the good times we've had together.
I think that's great you write about the good and the bad times.
I've had my share of 'bad mommy days', and you know as much as I get frustrated with everything, just hearing Katelyn sing, or the baby sitting in her rocking chair with her dolly, watching Josh ride his scooter outside, and Marissa helping me with dinner, makes those 'bad days' not seem so bad.

As a mother, I can tell you are doing an awesome job. Your girls look very beautiful and happy.
~Christine
www.arewethereyetmom.com

Working Mom said...

I'm hoping Bug will think back to her childhood fondly when she's an adult. I want her to feel as if she was safe and happy throughout the years.

Rachel said...

I want my kids to look back and think the same thing. Wow, I had a great mom. We had fun, we went to Chuck E Cheese (hell), we went to the zoo, we hung out together and played games, that sort of thing. I just want them to look back and think they had a good childhood.

Margarita said...

What a can of worms.
I want my girls to remember that I love them unconditionally and everything I did in my life was with their best interest in mind.
Oh! And that I'm a bad-ass mom who let them eat cookies for breakfast and let them go to the store on Saturday mornings in their pajamas and house shoes.

Julie said...

A few weeks ago, as part of his sermon, our Pastor asked the congregation this - how would your kids describe you? You should have seen the looks on everyone's faces as they tried to figure that out. I hope mine would have only good things to say! : )

Melissa said...

I think you do a great job mixing it all on your blog. I hope my kids think of me as a fun mom who totally put them first. I think we have a lot of adventures and I just want them to remember the good times. On the other side though I know there are days that I drive myself crazy because of all the arguing and picking on things that aren't even that important. I hope these memories will fade in the light better memories!

Bethany said...

I want my kids to know I love them and I did the best I could. I want them to remember times we spent together, not just holidays or special occasions but the everyday interactions we had. I want them to know I love them and value them.

BS said...

Great post. As you know, I am not a mommy blogger because, well, my mommy days are over and I am a gramma now! You made some very good points and be assured that your girls will have great memories of their childhood when they get older. You are doing a great job.

scribbit said...

Like most things in life, tragedy is what is most interesting. The "all happy family's are alike but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way" thing--conflict and crisis are more interesting to write about and read about.

BUT . . . I agree that keeping a positive view is very important. A nice post, thanks!

frannie said...

I feel the same way! I want Jai to look back and think- "wow! my mom was really fun and she made it very obvious that she was totally in love with me."

SJ said...

Great thinking post....

I want my boys to remember everything about their childhood!