Thursday, March 27, 2008

Control Freak

I am hoping someone will tell me it's really not my fault when I really know it is.

I have a control problem. Take the kids. I want them to eat healthy, drink water, be polite and say please and thank you. But I can't make them say it. I mean I can if I threaten, but I can't control their actions. They have to want to do it.

Unfortunately, Ashley has the same control issues. And when we butt heads, it ain't pretty.

The other night, we had soccer and then went to dinner with friends, and then back home just in time for bed. She had not gone to the bathroom since before soccer practice and at soccer she drank an entire thing of water. I knew she had to go.

But she wouldn't. She kept saying she didn't have to, which I knew she had to, and I tried to tell her to try, she refused. I need to just walk away and let go. I did eventually after convincing her to try at which she sat on the toilet for 2.3 seconds and declared she DID.NOT.HAVE.TO.GO.

The other issue is that I am realizing I do more than I should for my kids, and now I am paying for it. Like soccer night, Ashley wanted her toy from dinner. It was in the van in the garage, but the van doors were open, so she could easily get to it. Normally, I would just get it for her. But I told her to go get it. At which she threw a fit. Eventually she did, and I need to help her do this more. I realize she only does this with me, I get it. And I need to stop it. It was so embarrassing because at dinner with friends, she demanded to know where her drink was. Now, I will say, she doesn't talk like that at home, but the pleases and thank yous are a constant reminder.

Did any of this make any sense? I didn't think so...


Lori said...

It is hard to no do things for your child... you feel like it is part of the whole taking care of them. But, as a former kindergarten teacher I can tell you that letting them take more responsibility is very important. If the child is capable of doing it independently then they should, yes it may take longer, yes there may be a need for some coaxing and coaching, butttt it will totally be worth it in the long run.

remember... PICK YOUR BATTLES!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Lori. I'm forever reminding myself to pick my battles with Morgan and she's only TWO!!

Julie said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again - we are living parallel lives. I hear you 100%!!

Sabrina said...

Kids start learning the art of manipulation very early. Case in point, we'd do EVERYTHING for Alyssa when she was smaller. Then we'd go to Daycare and they'd tell us "Oh, she does that herself, she's been doing it that way for like xxxx amount of time". We felt stupid. So now we keep tabs on what she knows via preschool and make sure we're reinforcing that behavior.

I still can't get them to clean up their rooms. It's horrible. I end up taking a big trash bag in there and throwing stuff away, i'm so sick of toys.

Carrie Sue said...

It all makes perfect sense. Pick your battles wisely and don't let your children rule the roost.

SJ said...

I can relate to you on this!

I'm beginning to realize that I'm a control freak as well and also a tad bit OCD. I have to remind myself OFTEN to just let my boys be boys and give them some room to grow. I can't always have things perfect and normal.

Who am I kidding anyway?

Rachel said...

I completely understand. Kaylie can do most things herself. Haley can do some but not everything. So, I have to hear "Haley never had to do anything!!!!", but as Haley gets older and bigger, we give her more responsibility. She puts away her own clothes just like Kaylie. If she wants something to drink, she can get it herself now.

It is hard to let some of that stuff go. I know that things aren't done the way I want, but I have to let them learn.

Pam said...

i am a control freak too....I have a hard time letting the little stuff go. Ashlyn and I butt heads quite a bit because of it. I can only fear her teenage years because of it!

I did send on email- but in case I messed up the group thing...don't forget to post a pizza recipe for Friday. Thanks for playing along!

That Chick Over There said...

Okay, the good thing here is that they are not 14 and if you start saying, "Get it yourself" and all that now, then they'll start getting it themselves.

I had to let a lot of stuff go when I had the twins. A lot. So I feel your pain.

Edie said...

What is it about this age? They think they make ALL the decisioins!!

BoufMom9 said...

ok, so I think you and I may be clones. ;)
First the OCD, now the control issues...LOL
You have my undying sympathy & complete understanding. LOL

lisa marie said...

I think we start out unconsciously doing stuff for our kids because when they were babies we did everything for them and we just forget to start letting them do more and more for themselves.

I'm sure you will butt heads. . . well, a lot through the next, uh, 50 years :) (boy I'm pleasant aren't I). But on the doing things more for herself she will begin to like doing it and not want you to. Did I make sense? Thought not.

So, ok, this too shall pass? :)