Wednesday, April 01, 2009

I am not cut out for this job

I realize that all of us know being a Mom is hard. I mean really, really hard. And not for those moments when the kids are cranky and not listening, or when the baby won't sleep (but those are hard as well). I mean those really hard days when you have moments like I did yesterday.

Ashley always gets on the bus in the morning and waves to me from the window as the bus drives away. The kindergartners have to sit on the side with the door and in the first few rows, so she is always on the side that I am looking at.

Yesterday morning, I could see her sitting in a seat, but she never looked out the window and waved. I thought to myself that was not like her, but she was probably busy talking to one of her friends.

At dinner last night, she asked me if I knew why she didn't wave. When I said no, she said that she tried to sit with her friend, and her friend told her she couldn't sit with her. She said she was arguing with her friend about it, and then the bus pulled away before she had a chance to wave to me.

So she cried all the way to school because she didn't get to wave goodbye to me.

Knife. Insert into heart.

Now, I don't care that her friend told her she couldn't sit with her. We explained to Ashley that if someone does that, instead of arguing with them, either switch seats or ignore them and sit anyways. It obviously does no good to argue with them.

But it was so hard to hear that she cried on the bus without me or anyone to console her. I was so sad and told her it was okay, and she said she was okay.

But these are the things I dwell on. I realize I can't keep Ashley in a bubble and protect her for her entire life from being hurt. I know she will learn from all her experiences, just like I did.

But damn, if I could keep her in a bubble, I would.


SJ said...

I had something similar happen like that with Keven Jr. just a few days ago. He went to the neighbor kids house to play and came home sad because this boy ran off with his 'best friend' to play at the park. Keven Jr. was bummed for sure but it's those little lessons in life that really teach them in the long run about friends.

I totally understand how it makes you feel though as a Mom. (hugs)

Susan said...

I can't stand the thought of my kid getting hurt. She's still young enough that I can usually protect her. But soon enough, she'll be the kid on the bus too. Ack!

Daisy said...

Oh, that hurts so much! As she gets older she'll be less concerned about the wave, but that's not relevant now. She'll be okay soon; but will you?