Wednesday, January 03, 2007

What Would Make You Sad?

It's funny, just earlier today I was thinking how I never post anything really worthy of a good discussion, like I see in so many other blogs. And then, bam, it happened. Something controversial.

Someone I know told me today she had an abortion the week before Christmas. Why? Because she's young and doesn't want kids. But then why did it happen, how did she let it happen? She's smart, professional. I honestly don't know.

And it made me very sad. I actually went into the bathroom and cried. I was sad for everyone out there that I know right now who is desperately trying to have kids, all the people who are going through multiple IVF cycles just hoping this one time, it will work. I remember back to when Ray and I were trying. We tried for a year before we became pregnant with Ashley. And that was a very hard year. Every month thinking, this is it. The stars are aligned, this is our month, only it wasn't. But we were lucky, we did get pregnant on our own. And then with Audrey, my doctor put me on Clomid after we had been trying for a while again. And again, lucky for me that worked.

I'm not mad at her, she made a decision and she did it. I am just sad that the decision had to be made. In a perfect world, we all would take all those kids who weren't wanted by their mothers. I see kids in the hospital where I work walking without shoes or looking a mess and then seeing their parents look like they don't care as they have good clean clothes on. I read the stories in the paper about kids abandoned on the highway or left alone for hours and it kills me. Maybe deep down that's really why I want to be a teacher. For all those kids who need an adult just to say somebody loves you.

I don't really want to get into a pro-life, pro-choice debate. I just hadn't known anyone personally who had gotten an abortion, and I didn't realize it would affect me this much. It made me think what if that was me at her age? But at her age I was married, and already considering a family. What if that had happened to me in college? I was smart, I knew better. Will she regret it 30 years later? Who knows. I would hope she would at least wonder what that baby would have been like.

Would this have made you sad as well?


Jippy said...

Oh yeah it's sad. I knew a girl who needed an abortion and it saved her life. I knew a girl who went crazy because she had one and got pregant just one month later and kept the baby. I know a women who had an abortion because she was lied to by the man who got her pregnant. It's all sad no matter what. everyone of them has to deal with this as a process still ongoing. Not necessarily regretting it. Then I had a roomate who had several abortions, was pregnant driking and making the worst jokes I have ever heard in my life about the fetus and the pending abortion. Even for a liberal like me, I could not tolerate this chick or her friends any longer. I moved out. I am pro choice but I used to say things like it's so sad that it happens at all and I could never do that but I am glad we have the option. Now that I have had a special needs child. I struggle to take care of and I could not take care of two on my own. I know this as a cold hard truth.
Keeping in mind that I am single. Could I have an abortion or could I give a child up for adoption? I am so worried about it I rarely date.
I don't know....One of my best friends has given up two children for adoption( one open and one closed) and had an abortion. All are hard on her in different ways. She suffers on the anniversary dates, every year. It's sad to think about because I really do want more children. But Zach will always be my baby, so I can be happy just the way we are.

Stacey said...

I agree that it's very sad. I have several close friends who have had abortions. I don't judge their decisions, because had I been in their positions, I may have done the same thing. I like to think that I would NOT have, but how can I say for sure, not having faced the decision personally?

One of these friends is now married and happily pregnant, and she did tell me that a lot of difficult feelings were coming up for her. There is a lot of guilt and pain remaining, but she also stands by the fact that she made the best decision she could at the time. And I agree with her.

There is sadness in abortion on so many levels...the loss of a brand new life, the mental and physical pain for the mother, the lack of support out there for women making this difficult choice.

I mean, can you imagine the mental struggle that you'd have to be going through to end up deciding to actually end a pregnancy? I know there are some women who take the decision lightly, as Jippy pointed out, but in my experience with my friends, the decision was not taken lightly.

Very brave blog post today...good for you!

Happy Working Mom said...

This makes me very sad. My daughter has been really into the movie "Annie", which I used to watch all the time as a kid. And even seeing those pretend orphans makes me so sad. I hate the thought of any child being left behind...whether it be by abortion or no one wanting to take it home. I think each and every child, born or unborn, is so precious and a true gift from God. So yes, I'm very against abortion and it makes me so sad to hear about it when it actually happens.

CPA Mom said...

Good Lord, what a topic to start with. I used to be pro-choice until I became a mother. Now I am against abortion unless the mother's life is in danger. Remember my post a few months ago about the woman with a severely handicapped baby on the way and she aborted it and how sad/mad that made me? You DON'T want to get me on this soap box. I get SO MAD at women who abort for convenience or as a form of birth control. Adoption is a much better choice. But to me, that is because life begins at conception. It may be the ONLY area where I agree with the Republicans.

Kellie said...

Yes, it would have made me sad, too. Anything involving a child not being treated the way a child should angers me and breaks my heart. Sad. Very sad.

Rachel said...

It made me sad to read it. I've been in that situation before myself. My oldest daughter was planned and I had no trouble getting pregnant with her. Alyssa was not planned. Chris and I had discussed getting married and having kids, but it was something that was going to be sometime in the future. I was not happy when I found out I was pregnant. Granted, it was our fault, I didn't have health insurance at the time and could not afford to pay for the birth control, but we were using something. But, there was that one time, that we didn't and now I have Alyssa and I wouldn't change that for anything. Everyone's situation is different. Sometimes I wonder if the parents out there that abuse there kids are the ones like your friend that truely didn't want them in the first place. I guess everyone just has different views on the subject. If I got pregnant again right now, I would still have that baby, no doubt, but, then again, I have two wonderful daughters to prove to me that I couldn't make any other decision.

EC said...

Well - you have to know me well enough by now to know that I'm going to be very honest here...

It would not have made me sad because it is such a state of the world that we live in. That being said I would haven't judged her I don't think, but that is me personally.

I have given a child up for adoption and had an abortion and not in the order that one would think. I gave Corey up for adoption when I was 20... then got pregnant and 28 and didn't want children at all and had an abortion because I just knew I didn't want to go through the whole adoption thing again. I figured I was too old to have 2 children up for adoption and so forth with no kids of my own.

Then it hit me what I did and I was incredibly sad, but okay with my decision. On birth control which I took everyday at the very same time I got pregnant with Matthew just a few short months later after the abortion and could not have been happier. It is weird that an abortion can change your view on everything, and I swore I would never have one, but sometimes it is for the best.

If your friend is more concerned with her career then she probably wouldn't be the best mom she could so she did the right thing IMO. I live by the belief that every child comes into our life at exactly the time they should. Truly, I know that sounds sort of "god loving" but I believe it. If I hadn't had my abortion I wouldn't have had Matthew, I would have had another child. So, I think her child will come to her at the time it was meant to.

Damn... sorry I went on my soap box entirely too long!

Michele_3 said...

wow- What a topic you started this morning! LOL!

As Sad as it is, I believe every woman has their own choice and their own reason for doing it,I don't think there should be a law ever telling women they can't get an abortion done- It is their choice & body after all..

I can't or choose to not judge people for their actions- especially if I don't know them or their reasons behind it-

I knew a woman who aborted a child because she already had a child with special needs and her husband was on Chemo @ the time-The baby would of had many deformities and she just couldn't handle it,Her decision was NOT made lightly either..
Being that I have a child with special needs-(a son with autism who may never talk to me) I really can understand her situation.

Children are a beautiful thing,(I have 3 that are my whole life) I truly think life is a miracle but in the same breathe- I fully understand different women have different situations and has the freedom to make their own choices without being judged.

Just my opinion..
Take Care!

SJ said...

This in fact made me sad. Made me think about a situation I was in..

Right after I had Isaac, a girlfriend who I had not seen in a while invited me to dinner. I accepted and well, brought Isaac with me, not having a clue in the world that she had just had an abortion. about uncomfortable. She had not completely dealt with the situation and upon seeing me with a newborn baby (he was like 5 weeks old) she just lost it on me. Man, did I feel like an ass!

Anyway, to make a long story short, we talked. We discussed. I never once judged her for doing what SHE thought was best for her, and I made sure she knew that. And as well I apologized could I have been so stupid!!!

Abortion is a tough subject, and I agree with Stacey - there is sadness in regards to abortion on so many levels. Really does make you think.

Lost A Sock said...

Since it's such a hot button issue, I don't think I should go any farther than saying yes, I would be terribly sad. It is an enormous issue fueled by so much emotion on both sides.

Bethany said...

I've been sitting here for ten minutes trying to word my comment. Let's just say- yes it makes me sad- and leave it at that.

That Chick Over There said...

I've tried and tried to comment on this and stupid blogger hasn't let me yet.

Thank you for this post. I love posts that make me think.

I'll say I think it's very sad. I can't even formulate a better response than that.

Frema said...

I think it's sad, too; CPA summed up my thoughts perfectly: "Adoption is a much better choice."

KotaLynn said...

This is SOOO sad! Everytime I even hear the word abortion I want to cry. I am hardcore pro-life, and I am just going to give my opinion.

People always say that it is a womens choice of what she can do with her body, and that is all well and good, but when it comes to having an abortion, then what about the baby? The baby is a human being just like us, then doen't it have the same rights? Sometimes having a baby could harm the mother, but killing a baby to save your life is just wrong. I am only sixteen years old, and have an adopted little borther who is five. He was going to be aborted, because my aunt didn't want another child at the time, so we told her that we would adopt him. I love him SO much and would do anything for him, he is the best thing that has ever happend to me, besides Jesus, and the thought of him not being here alive makes me cry.

Well, thanks for the blog. And please, please - adoption is a BETTER CHOICE!